You’re walking down the sidewalk on what should be a busy street. It’s autumn and the leaves are starting to fall. Instead of noise, laughter, and smiles there is silence. The buildings are empty. There is so much sadness. You’re not living in color. It is all black and white. It’s so… empty. It’s almost eerie and a bit frightening. You feel like there must be someone somewhere, but there is no sign of another living being. It’s as if everyone vanished. This is isolation. This is the feeling of being alone.
In the last six months, I have often visited this scene. I have always been a talker. I like to get my feelings out. It doesn’t matter if it's exciting or tragic, whatever is currently occupying my heart and mind comes out of my mouth. I notice people getting tired of my feelings and thoughts on my son’s passing. Fatigue is natural. No one wants to talk about sad stuff all the time. I don’t blame them.
I have recently started an effort to help other people by sharing my experiences through this blog and now a YouTube channel. My hope is that someone that is walking down the aforementioned sidewalk can find a friend to walk beside. I even created an Instagram account and started engaging in various discussions.
I am building my efforts from the ground up. I don’t have advertising. I’m not promoting amongst friends trying to get someone, anyone, to watch my videos or follow my accounts. I want to grow and reach people organically. I want to actually make a difference to the people who need it most.
As of now, my blog has 12 Instagram followers. My YouTube channel has nine subscribers (half of which are people I know personally) and blog entries are mostly being read by a handful of Facebook friends. Is this discouraging to me? Sometimes it is. Am I giving up? No.
I’m only about a month into this. I’m starting to figure out how these various social media platforms really work. I have enhanced my overall video quality and am getting more comfortable in front of the camera. A week from tonight, I will be on an Instagram live broadcast for an organization that has over 10,000 followers on their account. These are all steps in the right direction.
Tonight, I’m in the abandoned city. Not only do I feel as if I am grieving alone, but I’m on this social media grief awareness path alone too. I talk too much about all the things that no one wants to hear. That’s kind of the point though.
Despite what things may seem on social media, I’m not always sad. I’m a person who is grieving but carrying on with life. I smile, laugh, dance, crack jokes, and do the laundry. Though I hurt deeply, I am still me. I chose this endeavor because I am passionate about it. I wouldn’t put myself in this position for my own entertainment. You don’t have to support me, but I’m doing it to support YOU.
When I finish posting this entry, I’m going to go watch Christina Randall videos. If you are not familiar with her, check her out. She’s a little over the top with her intros on YouTube videos, but if you get through the first couple of minutes, she is entertaining. She tells prison stories and talks true crime. Why am I telling you this?
I’m tired of walking alone.
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