I’ve been part of the grief community on social media for a few months now. I’ve learned to be sensitive to all types of things I had never put much thought into before. As Mother’s Day approached, I wondered how to address it on social media. Usually, I would post pictures of my mom and grandma with a little shoutout about how much they meant to me. I would follow that up with some pictures of things my kids and husband had done for me.
I was now keenly aware based on chatter in the grief community that these posts are not helpful to many. In fact, they are painful. So many people are missing mothers, wives, and children. Some women are experiencing pain because they long to be a mother. The day itself cuts like a knife. I knew this already, but I hadn’t lived it. This was my first Mother’s Day as a bereaved mother. How should I present that if at all? I seriously considered posting nothing at all on Mother’s Day. I didn’t want to contribute to anyone else’s pain. It wasn’t necessary. After all, it is only social media. No one REALLY cares.
Mother’s Day morning came. More than anything else, I thought about my grandma. I was missing her greatly and wanted to recognize her somehow. I was hurting for my mother who was experiencing her first Mother’s Day without her mom. I decided to make a post on Facebook. I shared a photo of the three of us. I chose to keep my social media tradition the same as it always was.
As for being a bereaved mother on Mother’s Day, I didn’t let it ruin my day. I know that some mothers do not have the blessing of living children. I am well aware of God’s goodness in my life. I think about and grieve Drew every day, not just on holidays. One less Mother’s Day card is the least of my trouble as far as I’m concerned. That’s not to be insensitive to those who feel differently, it’s my perspective. There is no right or wrong way to feel.
The fact is, I can’t take away anyone else’s pain. No one can take away mine. I can be sensitive to others. There are things that I can avoid here and there knowing what I know. I will continue to honor the mothers that matter most to me on Mother’s Day and I would never judge anyone else for doing the same. I will continue to enjoy the little things my family does to show their appreciation to me on that day. I refuse to let Drew’s death overshadow everything which is good and enjoyable.
So, I will still say, “Happy Mother’s Day.” Although it is hard for many (myself included) I choose to take the good moments where I can find them. Someday I will shed more tears and have less flowers to buy. When that day comes, I pray that I am still able to wipe the tears away and treasure the goodness of God.
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